Three is not always a crowd and there doesn’t always have to be a third wheel. When handled well, a threesome can be a fun way to get some physical exercise, with a lot of options for variation and experimentation. Steer clear of stds, psychopaths and hurt feelings and a hot time can be had by all.
And buddy makes three
There are different ways for a threesome to come together. If you are a couple looking for a third to entertain, online cruising for him works much the same as for a regular date. State your intentions in your profile or in the message that you send to guys you like. When cruising out in the real world together, the connection will likely be made first between one of the couple and the potential third. After some initial flirting, be sure to make clear that the only option for hooking up at this moment is a threesome. If you sense doubt, drop the topic. A threesome is only fun if there is real chemistry all the way round. There is no point to it if the new guy is struggling through sex with you if he really just wants your boyfriend or vice versa. It’s worth asking directly beforehand if he likes you both pretty much equally. If the person is hesitant to join just because he is shy or it is new to him, try to stay in touch and see if he warms to the idea. And if the potential third is someone you already know pretty well, only go for it if you are sure your suggestion won’t make things awkward if he turns you down.
Should you be single but have a fuckbuddy, you can of course also look for a third together, much in the same way you would if you were an actual couple. If you’re going out and have committed to finding a third for a threesome that night, don’t be rude by hooking up separately. Take a number for later if you meet someone interesting who just wants you solo. Should you be in the middle of a hot date at your or his place and decide together to add a third, chat rooms and people who are online looking for sex ‘right now’ are your best options. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t quite match both your wants because you are hell-bent on the idea. It could lead to an awkward or painful experience.
If you are hunting solo and are looking for a couple, going online is again the easiest way to find them. There are quite a few duos there on profiles and in chat rooms who are open about looking for the occasional third. Hunting in clubs or even at sex parties can be tricky, as you will often not be sure that the two hot guys you see together are also bedding each other. However, you can always chat up one and just see if it turns into a threesome or a 1-on-1 encounter. Of course, if you see two guys actually having sex at a sex party and they don’t turn you away when you join them, that is also a convenient shortcut to a threesome.
“Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”
– Mae West, actress
Safety first
Going straight to the house of a couple you have never met before is ill-advised. You will be outnumbered by strangers in private, after all. Meeting up for a drink beforehand will give you a better idea of who your suitors are and will also make clear if there is chemistry all the way round before clothes come off and rejection would be really embarrassing. As with regular dates, letting a friend know where you are going is always a good idea. If that is embarrassing or impractical and you are heading out from your own home, at least leave a note around with the address you are headed to. Preferably meet somewhere public for a sanity check first.
For a couple, concerns are more likely to be centered on personal possessions: when two people are looking for a third outside of a sauna or sex party, it will often make the most sense to meet at their place. Don’t invite people over who look shady or dangerous, no matter how hot and exciting they appear to be. Always make sure that things that would be tempting to take are out of sight and close the door to rooms with valuables. Keep an eye on your guest to make sure he doesn’t wander off to parts of the house which are off limits.
Even if a couple normally doesn’t use condoms together, it is advisable that everybody use condoms for fucking during the threesome. It’s more safe and hygienic, not only for the guest. Threesomes tend to be more dynamic, with more switches in positions and roles than during most regular sex sessions. Keep an optimistically large supply of condoms at hand, as you will have to put on a new one anytime you switch from one guy to the other. If there are multiple rounds of orgasms planned for the threesome, take a quick shower and a pee in between, to start out fresh and clean again.
Using any kind of drugs that are bad for your immune system or that befuddle your brain is an especially bad idea when having sex with more than one person at a time. Unless you are with people who have proven before that they care about your well-being, you can’t be sure that in the heat of the moment nothing risky will happen. If you are concentrating on sucking one of the guys, for instance, you have to stay alert enough to notice if someone tries to slip inside you from behind without putting on a condom first. Everybody should be watching out for each other and themselves. Should the others not respect your boundaries, then leave immediately. If a threesome has you worrying about the consequences for three months afterwards until you get tested, it wasn’t worth it.
“When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.”
– Rodney Dangerfield, comic
Coming to terms
There are certain things that should be explicitly discussed before committing to a threesome. Most importantly, make sure that everyone is on the same page about the use of condoms and drugs. Also have some idea of what will be expected of you in the threesome. If you are a top, it could be unpleasant to end up in bed with two other tops who had just assumed you were an eager bottom. You don’t have to draw out a script for the whole of the evening, but have an idea about what is on the menu and what isn’t. Are you up for rimming, fisting, golden showers, kinky stuff etcetera? Don’t let yourself get talked into doing something you don’t really want to do. If you are a couple going into a threesome, it is especially important to set rules for what is allowed with the special guest star, to avoid hurt feelings and fights afterwards or even during.
Emotional minefields
Jealousy between boyfriends has sunk many a potentially hot threesome. A lot of people like to think they are liberated and open-minded, only to find unexpected bad feelings bubble up when they see their boyfriend get busy with someone else. There is nothing wrong with that, of course, but it does mean you may want to stay away from threesomes or only have them with people other than your boyfriend, with people you have less of an emotional connection with. No matter how horny you are, keep an eye out for signs that your partner is unhappy during the three-way. If you do not, he will likely make you regret it afterwards. Should things starts to derail, either finish up quickly or just stop and politely ask your guest to leave because it’s not working out. Try to avoid dragging the guest into your drama.
If you are the third, make sure to divide your time equally between both of your hosts, even though you will almost always fancy one a little bit more than the other. Back off if you sense you are crossing a boundary that was set between the others. And bask in all the attention you will get from both men as the newcomer.
Divide and conquer
It will be hard to divide your attention totally equally during a threesome. You won’t be able to give both of the other partners the same amount of attention at all times. The most important thing to avoid is for someone to feel like the third wheel ultimately. As long as everyone is a part of the action fairly continuously and everyone makes an effort to include both of the others, hurt feelings will be avoided.
Consciously upsetting the attention-balance for a while also has fun applications however; two of the men can, for example, focus together on the third. They can go down on him, splitting their attention between dick and balls, with an optional detour to the butt if he is up for rimming. One guy can fuck him while the other sucks him, massages him, plays with his nipples and so on. Each of the three participants can in turn be the main focus for a while.
“I love my boyfriend very much, but just like me he prefers the active role during sex. That got to be a problem in the long term. Ultimately we decided to stick together and make a passive guy very happy every once in a while.”
– Owen
Applying for positions
A threesome gives you an opportunity to experience sensations you normally couldn’t. You will have more than the usual amount of mouths, butts, hands and dicks at your disposal. Here are a few options you can put on the checklist.
Bookends
While the bottom is getting topped, doggy style for instance, he can suck the third man’s cock. The tops can kiss each other during this or just enjoy the hot visual of what the other top is doing. The tops can swap positions and if there are two or more versatiles, roles can be exchanged as desired.
Pile-up
Three men on top of each other or standing or crouching behind each other; the one at the end fucks the guy in the middle, who is simultaneously fucking the guy up front. The middle position is perfect for a versatile guy, but it can be hard to find a good rhythm and maintain it.
Suck-circle
Three guys (or more, for that matter) lie down in a circle, so that each guy has their face right at the next man’s crotch. Suck until bored or cramping.
Under the bridge
While one top is fucking the bottom with the legs over his shoulders, the third party stands over the bottom, one foot on each side, and has the top suck him off. It gives the bottom an interesting view of the clenching butt of the guy standing over him and it is a complex dynamic for the guy who is doing the fucking, while sucking on a dick.
Seventy (69+1)
While two of the three are busy in a 69 position, the third party tops whichever butt is more convenient or appealing.
Double-dicking
This one is only for the out and proud power-bottoms: taking two dicks up the butt at the same time. It may be quite a stretch unless you are a regular fistee, even with two medium-sized dicks. The tops can lie down on their back crotch to crotch and push their dicks together to form one major challenge for the bottom. Alternatively, the bottom can sit down on the lap of one of the tops, face to face, after which the top with the longer dick slides in from behind. This gives the second top more opportunity to thrust. Make sure that the condoms don’t rip from rubbing up against each other and use lots and lots of lube.
Top dog or bottom boy
If you have fantasies about being a real stallion, topping tons of men on one night, or of being on the receiving end of a gangbang, a threesome can give you a taste of that on a small scale, with less risk to your health. This fantasy is best discussed beforehand, so that you get treated like the expert top or bottom you want to be. The power play does not only extend to the actual fucking. As a top, for instance, calling the shots or having two guys on their knees sucking you off can already be a kick. Be sure you have the stamina and skill to pull off your chosen role though, as two people are counting on you.
Voyeur
Lying back and just watching two people have sex right in front of you can be really hot. So feel free to take a little break and observe the action. While some men get jealous seeing their boyfriend or fuckbuddy have sex; for others, it’s a turn-on. Just make clear to them that you are not feeling left out by making eye-contact and egging them on, verbally or by strategically touching them. Try to be smooth about re-entering the fray when you’re ready again for more active participation.
“It’s very annoying if you’re getting busy with a couple and you suddenly notice a bad kind of tension in the air. Once, when that happened to me, I ‘accidentally’ came too fast and hightailed it out of there. Two months later, I saw by their internet profiles that they had broken up.”
– Gary
Laatste edit: 22-01-2019 Dutch version here.
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