Kissing with Confidence – About Kissing

There is a reason why some sex workers may not let their clients kiss them, even if they will let them do all sorts of other excitingly depraved things. Kissing is one of the most intimate things two people can do. A great kiss can be your way into a guy’s heart or at least a guy’s pants.

Be prepared
It is interesting how people in romantic movies just wake up and start kissing like crazy. Morning breath and bad breath in general are rarely a problem in the fictional world. You see people who have been slogging through a jungle, stuck on an island or have otherwise been devoid of toothpaste for many days French kiss each other senseless, without any indication that this might in fact be a smelly affair. To check your breath at any point, cup your hand, covering your mouth and nose, exhale through the mouth and inhale through the nose. If the result makes you gag, it will likely make a partner gag twice as much. How to avoid gagging?

Bad breath comes partly from the mouth, but mostly from the stomach. To start with the mouth, brushing two to three times a day and flossing daily is a good idea. Your dentist will also be very happy. Don’t forget to also scrub your tongue a bit, as far back as you can get. As a bonus, this will allow you to practice controlling your gag reflex, which can come in handy during the sex that will hopefully follow sometime after the kiss. To make friends with your stomach, make sure that you drink enough water throughout the day and add a bit of fuel now and then to keep it happy. An empty stomach is more likely to give off fumes. Be careful when eating food that has a lot of fat or sugar: when this gets broken down, the results can be noxious. There are also certain foods that are generally healthy but should be avoided on a kissing occasion, like onions and garlic. If both people eat them, neither will probably notice it during a kiss, but better to be safe than to get rejected.

Other foods have a messiness factor, the most infamous one being spinach. If you flash your Romeo-to-be your sexiest smile with a big piece of green stuck to your front teeth, it might not be as erotic as intended. So avoid any food that may linger between your teeth, and have a piece of chewing gum after you eat, something to chew loose any bits and cover minor smells. A word to smokers: have pity on the non-smokers. If you can, hold back on the smoking a little while in advance and brush your teeth. A non-smoker will probably still taste the nicotine, but appreciate the effort. If you are headed toward a potential kiss and it caught you by surprise, you may find yourself having eaten onions and lacking toothpaste. Then, if at all possible, have a beer. This will cover up most subtle offences by making your breath smell like beer, which is more socially acceptable.

With smelliness out of the way, a warning about lips: these should be moist. Especially during the winter, make sure you lick your lips regularly or use a chap stick for support. If you are planning to drink red wine, check your lips first. If they are dry, you will end up looking like a vampire after a messy meal and the color will take a while to come off — not very sexy. Finally, if both of you are wearing glasses and it is going to get passionate, at least one of you should take them off to avoid annoying ‘clicking’.

“The sound of a kiss is not as loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer.”
– Oliver Wendell Jones, writer

Kissing is about connecting and trying to get on the same wavelength, mentally and physically. Though it needs to be instinctive, it does pay to have your brain working just a little during a kiss. You should keep focusing on what the other person is doing and respond with countermoves. There tend to be mini-battles going on, a subtle power play: he pushes against your tongue, you push back or can choose to give in for a moment. He invades your mouth with a deeper kiss once in a while, you invade his. How you let the dominance play out, could foreshadow the dynamic when you end up in bed. But as anyone who has ever run into a power-bottom can tell you, dominant doesn’t necessarily mean top.

Variation is key to keeping things interesting. You don’t just pick one move and stick with it, as this will get boring. As mentioned, varying the depth of the kisses is one way to do it. You can go from sucking and nibbling on his lips to a deep, full-mouth kiss and back. You can even break lip contact and just have your tongues battle it out for a moment, though this may feel silly if it goes on for too long. You can lick along his teeth, being careful if he has braces. You can catch his tongue in your mouth for a moment and gently suck on it, which has an obvious erotic charge as it suggest skills in other areas. Don’t try to actually rip out the tongue. And once again, don’t do it for too long or the effect is lost and he might start checking his watch. During the entire kiss, keep your lips relaxed but ready to match whatever move the other person throws at you, while also taking the lead now and then. Go with what ‘feels right’ but keep paying attention to his response. Does he seem to like what you’re doing or not? If not, move on to something else.

Well-timed breaks in the kiss are important for setting the mood. Pulling back for a moment now and then to look each other in the eyes, be it in a horny or romantic way, will intensify the kiss. Don’t stare too much during the actual kiss, as you will likely look cross-eyed and creepy. You can tease by moving your lips close to his and pulling away a bit when he moves forward to touch them together. Combined with playful eye contact, this can be a nice game as long as you don’t draw it out for too long and reward it with a passionate kiss.

Assuming you still have clothes on, any exposed skin is fair game for lip contact, a gentle nibble or even a not too soggy lick. Some people have sensitive earlobes, so see if you get a response when you touch them. Tongue-in-ear works for some, but disturbs others. You can ‘graze’ your way along his jaw. Stimulation around or on the neck can have a big effect. As your animal instincts will tell you, exposing your throat to someone’s mouth is an act of surrender and trust. Be forewarned: do not give someone a hickey without asking if it is okay first. Your mark may cause embarrassment if a colleague sees it, or his wife. And if you have stubble and he has fair skin, try to not leave it looking bright red.

The circumstances surrounding a kiss will also influence how it is experienced. The same kiss will feel different depending on if you are being pushed roughly up against a wall in an alley or are standing next to a moonlit lake with a swan or two for good measure. The amount of body contact, where the hands are placed and who is leaning against whom, all have a big effect as well. A firm hand at the back of the neck, squeezing or massaging perhaps, or a hand holding the chin can give a feeling of intensity. Getting more goal-oriented, a deep kiss while leaning over your lover and giving his butt a squeeze is just one way of signaling your intent and where you want the kiss to lead. Whether you get slapped or laid, might well depend on the quality of your ‘work’ so far.

“Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other.”
– Rene Yasenek, writer

Bad kissers
With some guys, you will have trouble finding a nice ‘rhythm’. If that happens, chances are you won’t be all that attuned in bed either. It doesn’t always mean that one of you is a bad kisser, just that you are not especially compatible. Some not-all-that-skilled kissers can be trained a little and upgraded to good (if not great) by guiding them a little during the kiss, making them follow your lead. If they are ultimately unable or unwilling to pick up on any of your hints, then that is what makes them a bad kisser. Kissing is a form of wordless, physical communication and some people are just bad at listening. If this is the case, give up. Here are some things that can go wrong when kissing:

As said before, relax your lips. You don’t want to remind him of the peck on the cheek his wrinkly old aunt gives him.

Chasm of death
Spelunking is not all that erotic. Falling down someone’s throat and staying there is not sexy and just turns into a slightly nauseating exchange of spit. You are not at the dentist so you don’t have to open up as wide as you can.

If during a snog, you regularly find yourself wiping your chin to get rid of the excess saliva, you’ve been hit by a slobberer. Drooling someone else’s drool is just plain gross.

Oooh, no
He closes his eyes, opens his mouth into an O-shape, sticks out his tongue and remains in that position, waiting for you to do something. What you should do is bail.

The tongue flicks back and forth like a speeded up butterfly, resisting your attempts to slow it down. But maybe with a little patience you will be able to calm it.

Also known as spitting into a guy’s mouth. It is unwise to do this without prior consent. Some people really seem to enjoy it, as witnessed in a few of the rougher porn movies. But if a guy you are kind enough to be blowing bows down to you and suddenly spits in your mouth, would you go on sucking? Or would you punch him in the nuts? Exactly.

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”
– Ingrid Bergman, actress

Last edit: 10-12-2018 Dutch version here.

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