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6. In Profile
Not everybody likes dating sites, but a lot of gay men use them every once in a while: it's an efficient way to get to know new people. Admittedly, the contact can be very fleeting and you will only get to actually meet a relatively small percentage of your online contacts out in the real world. But these days a fair amount of dates are arranged through the internet, whether the goal is a one-night-stand, a sexual arrangement (fuckbuddies), a friendship or a relationship. Some guys turn up on every dating site in existence, but most sites will attract a specific kind of crowd, catering mostly to young guys, for instance, or to lovers of kink. It's not a bad idea, in any case, to do some fishing on one or two sites that appeal to you - examples at the Links page - and see who bites. A standard membership doesn't have to cost you anything: you just need to come up with an appealing screen-name, pick a password and make a profile. In this chapter, some tips for creating an effective profile.
Pictures
A picture can say more than a thousand words, as the immortal phrase goes. Men are visual creatures, so their first judgement on your level of interest will come from a quick once over, much as in real life. Shallow? Well, yes, but also a fact of life. You can protest it all you want, but it won't do you much good. And can you honestly say that you yourself don't tend to pay a little more attention to men you find physically attractive?
If the person who reads your profile is not impressed by the pictures, odds are he won't stick around long enough to read your profile-text. If you have a low opinion of your own looks, just keep in mind that people have wildly different tastes and that you will fit some of those tastes. If you have a wonderful personality, this will serve you very well when it comes to reeling in somebody for the long term. However, in the beginning, you will need a presentable exterior to get people interested in the interior.
Now firmly into the 21st century, there is no excuse for not having digital images of yourself. Failing a decent digital camera, webcams are cheap and can be good enough in case of emergency, if handled properly. That last part is important though: fuzzy pictures made by the light of a candle will make anyone look like Frankenstein. Get a second opinion, if possible.
Look like you
The trick is to present yourself positively, without straying too far from what you actually look like at this moment. Pictures from ten years ago when you were much cuter, are only allowed if they come with a time machine. And if, by the use of various kinds of direct and indirect lighting, you succeeded in making yourself look like Michaelangelo's David, it is going to disappoint when in real life you look like Mr. Joe Average from Blandsville. A couple of clear shots that show different sides of you - literally and figuratively - will be the most effective.
Avoid pictures apparently taken by satellite, featuring you as a dot in the distance and pictures that obscure the face with sunglasses, hats, bandana's, boas and/or other accessories. Playing hide-and-seek comes across as childish. Also ill-advised are the 'not me but what I like' pictures in profiles: you're asking your visitor to compare himself to a likely unreachable ideal. And if there is a picture of you on the profile as well - think about how you will look by comparison, next to Mr. Dreamy.
Clothing optional
Include at least one picture that shows pretty much all of you, clothing optional. Parts not clearly seen (face, chest, stomach) might be assumed to have hidden (perceived) flaws. However, your level of nakedness will influence how seriously people take you. If you are looking for just friends or a serious relationship and want to screen out those cruising for sex, keep your clothes on. Should you feel frisky on some nights and want something more 'now' and less 'forever', you could always keep a shirtless-or-even-more-naked picture ready to send to your suitors. Most sites give you the option to upload pictures and then only make them visible to guys you have an interest in.
If you are just looking for sex and have a particularly impressive chest, dick or ass, you could of course present this to the public, since it is a selling-point. However, most people - even those looking for one-offs - will want to see your face before committing to a real meeting. And if you won't show your face in your profile together with your naked parts - to keep your reputation somewhat intact - they'd better be pretty impressive to grab the attention. There are plenty of faceless chests out there on the net.
Be aware that there are different levels of nakedness. Having your ass spread open to the viewer will be a turn-off to a lot of people. Possibly even to some hot tops who would have happily given you a joyride you if you'd kept it a little bit classier. On the other hand - perhaps even literally - if you are looking for a sleazy top from the fisting-crowd, classy might be a turn-off. Consider your audience: who do you want to attract, and what would they find attractive?
Don't forget that any pictures you send out onto the internet, will - in principle - be out there forever and always. You lose control over them: someone can easily store them, despite the measures dating sites take to prevent that from happening. The pictures will exist on the hard drives of men you have long ago lost touch with. The risk of anyone ever actually using them against you in some evil way is small, but not entirely negligible. Set your own boundaries. Showing your face on a picture together with your dick or ass is potentially the most embarrassing. You can decide to just show your face on a portrait picture and make separate pictures of anything under the belt, if you even want to bring those into circulation. Cam-captures can also be stored easily, so protect your dignity if you are giving a nudie-show on cam.
Anonymous
If you are not willing to show your face online or not until you have gotten to know someone a bit better, don't expect much patience and understanding from those who have laid it all out there. Any kind of extra effort in exchanging pictures will have to be yours. Some people don't like to e-mail or chat with someone who hasn't been 'seen' yet. And it can be more hurtful if someone - once on MSN or the like - takes one quick look at you and comes out with a polite - if you are lucky - version of 'Ah, no way in hell. Bye.'