How to (not) Suck – About Blowjobs

When straight people imagine gay sex, the first thing they generally think of is anal sex. In fact, a lot more man-on-man action revolves around the pleasures of the woefully misnamed blowjob. Less risky than butt-fun and requiring less preparation, it is the perfect last-minute gift for someone you fancy.

With a view to a thrill
Though readying yourself is less crucial than with butt-sex, there are some things you can do beforehand to make the experience better for you and your partner. First of all, it’s good to have showered recently. A little bit of fresh sweat is no big deal and may even be a turn-on to some people, but that stale, locker-room smell must go. If you feel your pants might reek faintly of urine, changing them would be good form unless you know for a fact that your partner is a fan of golden showers. And to avoid getting hair stuck down someone’s throat at a bad moment, regularly trimming the jungle down there is advisable. You don’t have to go completely hairless, though a lot of people do these days. Avoid having stubble as this won’t be fun to touch when playing.

“I don’t give blow jobs because I find it really off-putting seeing a grown man look so pathetically grateful.”
– Jenny Eclair, writer/comic

Blowing me, blowing you
Your partner’s pants are down. The underwear might still be on, showing an excited bulge because of the foreplay that presumably came before. If you are planning to use a condom for giving head, make sure it is within reach by this point. Most people don’t use them for oral sex, but do not let anyone talk you into doing something that violates your own safety standards and be aware of the risks. Look here and here for more information.

You can leave the underwear on for a little while longer, especially if you or your partner is a fan of it. You may want to gnaw on the outline of his dick along the shaft first, blowing warm breath through the fabric. If your partner is someone you had sex with before, it is good to try to surprise them all over again. If you went with a slow approach the previous time, a fast one makes for a nice change. So you can unwrap your present bit by bit, sucking on the tip or licking the shaft and work your way down as you pull down his underwear, building tension. Or you can passionately rip it off and plunge his dick as far into your mouth as you can get it.

The most sensitive part of a cock is the underside of the dickhead. This place should be shown a lot of love and attention. Your tongue should be applied copiously around the head, running circles, going up and down and maybe sliding under the foreskin if there is one. Don’t spare the spit: it is the lube nature provided you with. Making a firm ring around his dick with your lips whenever it is in motion, will give a hot feeling of penetration. But whatever you do, do not let your teeth accidentally grate his cock. Though a clearly intentional nibble may be fun, an accidental scrape can put him out of business for the night or leave him unable to relax and enjoy, because he’s afraid you will do it again and maim him.

Keep an eye and ear out for any responses he is giving. How hard he is and stays signals how horny you are making him at any given point. If you try a move and you notice that he really enjoys it, remember that for later. Don’t just focus on the tip of his dick. Run your mouth and tongue down the side and take a detour to his balls once in a while. You can take one of his balls in your mouth while jacking him off, bonus points for managing two at the same time. Gently (!) pull at his balls and check the reaction. Holding relatively still while allowing him to thrust into your mouth can get him hot, especially if he enjoys being dominant. Clearly showing that you enjoy what you are doing is also pretty much guaranteed to turn him on.

Assuming things are clean and the guy you are with seems open to it, you can carefully slip a lubed finger up his butt to stimulate the prostate. If he is on his back and you are between his legs, you should be able to feel the small nub of the prostate when you enter your finger and curve it upwards a little. Rub it gently. You can blow his mind by blowing his cock while you do this. Pressing a finger down on the area between his balls and his butt can also have an effect and make an orgasm more explosive.

“The power dynamic of oral sex is interesting. As the blower you are submissive in a way, but the blowee is very vulnerable, with your mouth and teeth so close to his dick and balls. You have him by his joystick and seeing him respond to everything you do, is a powerful feeling.”
– Brian

How deep is your love?
Varying the depth of penetration is an effective tool to get him to moan. Shallow and deep work well in contrast, so switch between a deep, full suck and a partial suck every now and then. Deep-throating is generally seen as the Holy Grail of blowjobs. How easy it is to take it all in your mouth and throat, will depend on the size and shape of your partner’s cock and on the amount of control you have over your gag reflex. Throwing up in your partner’s lap is to be avoided. It is important to be actually turned on by what you are doing. Visualize your throat joyfully opening up for his dick as you go down and you will find it gets easier to let it slide in. Repetition will help you suppress the gag reflex. Make sure to line up his dick properly with your throat. Your throat curves down, so if his dick curves up, approach it from a 69 position (your head near his dick and your dick near his head) or lie on your back on the bed and hang your head over the edge. Even with practice, some cocks may defy your best efforts because of their thickness, length or curviness. But their owners will greatly appreciate your efforts anyway.

If you want to make him feel like he is going in deep, but don’t feel like gagging, there is no shame in cheating a little with your hands. While your mouth works on the tip, they can form a tight, warm tunnel, lubed with spit. An advantage of using your hands is that you can squeeze and twist the shaft. Experiment with variations on this combination to see what your willing test subject responds to the most.

All over
Giving a great blowjob requires you to not forget about the guy who comes attached. You may be using one hand and sometimes two to handle his goodies, but with any hand you have free, keep checking in with the rest of his body. If his nipples are sensitive, play with them as you get to work, or touch his face and neck. Making eye-contact and breaking for a kiss, a hug or to switch roles keeps things from getting stale. Experiment with different positions and places: kitchen, shower, in front of a mirror, on the couch, on your knees looking up at him while he stands, 69-ing, etc. Oral sex can be perfect for a spontaneous quickie. It does not always have to be mutual either: sometimes you may feel perfectly satisfied just blowing him, or vice versa. And a long, relaxed session can do very well as a main course, without always having to lead to anal sex.

The end is nigh
If it seems your guy is going to climax too soon, there are a couple of ways to stall him — these are mentioned here. On the other hand, if your jaw is starting to go numb and you want to finish things, find or remember a move he has a strong response to and keep at it, building up speed. That should send him over the edge. Some guys have a tough time getting an orgasm from a blowjob, possibly because they have gotten too used to a very firm sensation when they masturbate. Don’t feel too bad if you have to admit defeat and let him take over just before the climax. Letting him cross that finish line himself could actually make his orgasm more intense, as there is a rhythm to those waves of feeling that can be easily derailed. In any case, unless you are coupled and monogamous, you may want to refrain from letting him shoot in your mouth, regardless of whether you swallow or spit. While he is going over the edge, you can jerk him off if needed and put your hands and mouth to use wherever seems sexy: kiss him, kiss his neck, lick his nipples or his balls, play with his butt, legs or feet, put light pressure on his stomach or that spot between his balls and butt. Avoid getting come in your eyes as that will sting and isn’t quite safe.

You don’t both have to finish a blowjob with an orgasm every time. You may be happy to just play around for a while until you both get tired or until one of you comes. Of course, if you are so inclined, there is a chance that a blowjob will lead to fucking.

Final edit: 10-12-2018  Dutch version here.